"It's the natural order."
Samuel Beckett
Justin plopped onto JC's bed ungracefully, moaning into the pillows at the head of the bed. His body ached and his muscles were mad at him and he swore his bones were starting to crack, or at least come apart at their joints. Behind him, he heard JC walk into the room and shut the door and Justin groaned louder.
"If the groan is supposed to be you asking for a massage, you know me better than that, Justin." JC smirked when Justin let out another groan. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Louis might think we're having sex when we both clearly know that you're much louder than that." He slipped his shirt off and toed off his sneakers and socks.
"JC, come on, my body HURTS."
"And?" JC sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping lightly.
Justin rolled over, wincing at the movement and looked up at JC. "And a massage would be the best thing right now. Especially if it was from my hot boyfriend who probably knows exactly what I feel like right now."
JC laughed and slid a hand from Justin's hip upwards, taking the shirt with his wrist. "Come on, then."
"We're already on a bed," Justin said, his eyes lighting up at JC's simple agreement.
"Yes," JC agreed, "But you'll feel a lot better if you take a hot shower first."
"I can't move."
JC shrugged, "Okay, I'll take one without you then." He got up and laughed even louder when Justin suddenly shot off the bed. "Oh, now you want to take me up on my offer."
*
Still in the offices, Louis picked up a copy of the program for the workshop performance and leafed through it. His hand paused at one of the spreads and his eyes scanned over the words and pictures.His heart tightened.
*
JC blinked his eyes in the darkness of the bedroom and sat up slowly so he wouldn't wake Justin up. His alarm clock blared an angry 5:58 at him in bright red and JC breathed in deeply, realizing he had only been sleeping for two hours. There was a growing flame of uncertainty forming in the pit of his stomach and he tried not to think of where it was coming from.Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he stood and began pulling on clothes as quietly as he could. Justin shifted on the bed and JC froze until the younger boy settled once more. Once he pulled his sneakers on and picked up his duffel bag, he put one knee up on the bed and leaned down, brushing a kiss against Justin's forehead. "I'll be back later," he whispered. He paused. "Love you."
When the door clicked softly behind JC, Justin opened his eyes and blinked sleepily at the clock and sighed deeply, placing a hand on the warm sheets where JC's body had just been. "Love you too," he said into the empty air.
*
It was early, but the security guards knew him and let him into the main theatre without question. Dropping his bag and his coat by the front row, he pulled himself onto the stage easily, muscles tensing in his arms. He walked to the center of the stage and stood there in the darkness, blinking as small tears formed in the corners of his eyes."Will you let this be my final bow?" he asked softly, not sure if he was talking to the imagined audience, the theatre itself, or his own mind.
He closed his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his body as if the sweatshirt he was wearing didn't keep him warm enough. Slowly, his arms dropped to his sides and he opened his eyes, not bothering to wipe away the tracks of tears on his cheeks.
"You'll turn heads around, moving from dark to light," he said with a small smile. That was what one of his first ballet teachers had told him when he first began dancing. "How could I ever leave this?"
He raised his arms high above his head and when he brought them down, he bowed, keeping his eyes focused on the empty seats in front of him. Lincoln Center was another one of his homes and he felt that he owed it more than one final bow.
*
Justin stood in the same spot that JC had been standing in, though it was hours later. At the end of one of their final dress rehearsals, Justin took his bows with his fellow dancers and when he stood at the end of the stage at Lincoln Center, he felt adrenaline rush through him when he felt the lights shining down on him.There was no audience. There was no applause. But the lights were glaring at him from up above and there was an orchestra in the pit below the stage. He felt at home and wondered if it was a sign.
*
They met after Justin's rehearsal, opting to get salads to go from a corner deli to take back to JC's apartment. After they had eaten and were laying on the couch in the living room, Justin took in a deep breath."Will you ever tell me yourself? Or do I have to believe what I believe and wait until a formal announcement?"
JC's body stiffened for a moment and Justin turned so that he was facing JC, his eyes calming the professional. "The night of your performance," JC revealed. "You'll find out then."
"From you or from an announcement of some sort?" JC didn't answer and Justin didn't ask again.
*